Feelings…….

There are days when you just have to let all of your emotions go.  Just get them all out and vent.  That’s the kind of day I had today.  I was so excited that it was just going to be myself, Nickolas and Zachary.

Then something happened….the dreaded anxiety set in.   After we took Sara to work we went swimming.  A very good friend allowed us to use their access to a swimming pool.  When we were there the boys began jumping and splashing like crazy.  The people whom were there before us we looking and staring.  I don’t know if it was my anxiety or not but I got the feeling like these people were not happy with my sons jumping and doing the “nestea plunge”.  You know free-falling backwards into a pool with your arms spread wide apart.  ( Boy they were complaining about their backs hurting from it but the laughed like crazy and kept doing it.)   So after about an hour the boys said they were hungry and done swimming.  Now any other time you can’t get them out of the water.

We left and proceeded to pick up food for dinner and then bought them lunch.  We came home to Blossom waiting for us.  We made homemade chocolate chip cookies.  (we bought vanilla and strawberry ice cream at the store) They are the basis for our homemade cookie ice cream sandwiches.

I guess today I felt like my sons were being ostracized by everyone including family.  But in all actuality I was very envious of my friends and family spending family time together.  I brag so much about how important family is and how my some of my closest friends are more considered family.  I feel like it’s all been a facade.  But I know one thing for sure is that only myself and husband can change this.  I’m not going to change my feelings towards my family or friends.

I will just know the difference and make sure my kids come first.

Tomorrow is a new day and all is good.

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