What to say…..

Last Wednesday evening, my husband and I had the awful job of letting our sons know that their grandmother was not expected to live much longer.  At the time the boys were receptive but yet denying.  They wanted to go see her but it was her wishes that her grandchildren not see her this way.

My mother-in-law use to curl her hair and put on make up everyday.  Her clothes were 20 years old but they were in impeccable shape.  She would iron the clothes once a week, iron the drapes every couple of months.  In fact 2 Saturdays ago she got up out of bed to wash her bedding.  Before the cancer took her energy she would be constantly cleaning , vacuuming or dusting.  Every time you entered the door there was a greeting of  “hi883648_10200276491948004_901432951_oya come on in.”

So when we had to explain to them here physical and mental state and explain that her wishes were for them not to see her this way it was hard.  Jonathan took it really hard.  He sat in the recliner, drew his knees to his chest, wrapped his arms around them and started to cry.  Then he started to stomp on the floor like a child having a tantrum.  He ran off to his bedroom, shut and locked his door so no one could enter.

Well it was the next day that she passed.  The one thing that sticks in my mind from that day was what Jonathan said ” Well I guess Cancer won the battle.”   I just sat there stunned and reeling in what he actually said.  I could see and hear the hurt in his words as they came out of his mouth.

I am still stunned.  Every time trying to write what I want to say…and its no good.  I can not find the right words to tell him that Cancer did not win.  But its very hard to find the right words to say….

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