Choices and Consequences…..


Consequence as defined by Merriam-Webster Dictionary; ” something that happens as a result of a particular action or set of conditions”.

The decisions we make as parents are very detrimental in every aspect of the family life.  These choices are not made easily or with little or no thought at all.  Because with these decisions or choices we make there are the consequences.  From the simplest of decisions like “what should they  wear today” to the most difficult decisions like ” what choices do I have if I can not see my children anymore”.

As parent in a blended-family, the choices made previously were not from selfishness, ignorance, or hateful choices.  But they were made with purest of intentions to make things less heartbreaking.  To lay awake at night not knowing where your children are, if they were safe, being fed, clothed or taken care of properly… lay awake knowing you can not find them, see or hear them….the biggest torment a parent can go through.  The pain of watching your spouse crying because there is nothing possible you can do to help ease the pain or find the children.   The fear of their younger siblings not being able to see them, play with them, or even getting to know them….establishing that sibling relationship.   The heart wrenching feeling from telling the younger siblings you have a brother and sister,,,,we just don’t know where they are.  Having to try and explain to them what was meant by that.  A Grandparents dream being shattered of not seeing their grandbabies or getting to know them….being robbed of all the joys of grandparenting.

From those choices the consequences came the unknowing of what if’s……..  The consequences would be having to re-establish a relationship with children that had been absconded with.  Answering all of the “WHY DIDN’T YOU….HOW COME YOU …or WHERE WERE YOU WHEN ” questions.  Trying to create sibling relationships from nothing…..attempt to re-establish a parent/child relationship.  A severe consequence is dealing with the emotions that come with these decisions.  The thrill of finding them and reconnecting to the rage of hatred for not coming for them or moving on with your life without them..  The heartbreaking news of how they lived their lives for so many years.  It’s a very sad story for them and even harder to comprehend the decisions that were made.

Even harder is for the younger siblings to establish a good relationship.  Having their sister or brother just come and go when ever they please is not healthy.  Especially when 2 of the 3 younger brothers are autistic.  They need a constant routine.  When ever their routine is changed it’s a challenge to get them back on track.  Causing meltdowns that go beyond the meaning of the word.  They live in a black and white world..its either this way or that…..they do not understand its a sometime thing……  The relationships in their eyes are forever and constant and if you break their relationship they give a whole new meaning to being destroyed mentally.

But the decision made in the past can not be held over ones head for the rest of their lives.  You have to make peace with your past to move on with the present or to even have a future.   Once you do then the relationships can mend, new ones can form and a bond can be created. You can not keep opening old wounds and play the poor poor pittable me routine.  You have to live your life for today and not take any moments for granted. Regrets will suck the life right out of you.    Life is too short.  Just know that the decisions and choices you made today…you have to live with the consequences tomorrow…….  We have made our decisions and choices but definitely not with ease of heart.  The consequences we live with are real and now to make the best of a horrible situation for all is a daunting unrelenting task.


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