A little aggrivated to say the least….

I did not know how to approach this topic without bringing up some major feelings.  Feelings from deep inside me, feelings from you the reader…..so here goes.

Last night my husband was watching “My 600 lb life”.  I will watch a program with my husband even if it is not something I would.  But with this year being my “new year new beginnings” I figured this would be the right time to discuss this with him.

I have been overweight throughout high school at 200 lbs.  We have been married almost 22 years.  I am now at the most I have ever weighed and it scares me.  Even while working I tried to get help with my weight.  In 2001-2002 I started to have issues with my body tingling all over.  The doctor sent me for blood work.  I now have thyroid issues.  He started me out on Levothyroxine.   Every year the dosage increased prior to November my dosage of levothyroxine was at 275mcg .  My throid is barely working.  I have been diagnosed with Hoshimoto’s disease.

As per web md this is their definition : “Also called Hashimoto’s disease, Hashimoto’s thyroiditis is an autoimmune disease, a disorder in which the immune system turns against the body’s own tissues. In people with Hashimoto’s, the immune system attacks the thyroid. This can lead to hypothyroidism, a condition in which the thyroid does not make enough hormones for the body’s needs.” My body is rejecting my thyroid and it will  eventually stop working completely.

Now I know two persons who have gone through the gastric bypass surgery and has busted their  butts to lose all the weight and look awesome.  I have another person on facebook whom is currently going through it and she looks great.  This stirs really deep emotions in me because even while working I tried to get help with my weight.  Almost 2 years I did the Curves thing and only lost 5 lbs.  I tried going it alone with just watching what I was eating and walking.  I even sent a letter to Richard Simmons begging him to help me.  How desperate I was to get help to be told “here’s a printable copy of the food mover” and good luck.  I even had a cardiologist write a letter stating that with my morbid obesity I need to have the surgery.  I was only looking to have the lap banding done..just some sort of help.

No I am not happy about the way I look and most of you are probably thinking “well get off your ass and do something about it”….I wish it was that easy.   I am suppose to be using a motorized scooter because my left knee is garbage…it is almost bone on bone….arthritis has ate everything away. I do not use the scooter because walking is the only exercise I can get.   I am only suppose to be doing an eliptical, stationary bike or swimming.  With my weight I would need an industrial one and they are not cheap.  Its hard to come up with funds when we are a one income family with special needs children.

As we are watching this program my husband becomes very silent, I give my opinion on the situation and he says why don’t you call the insurance and see if they will let you have the surgery.  To which I replied that of all the “Obamacare” insurance plans none with cover this surgery.  I told him about how you have to have a psychiatric evaluation done to make sure you are mentally prepared for such drastic measures.  I explained to him how in the beginning you might be able to eat a tablespoon of food at a meal.

So when I see someone lucky enough to get their life back I am so very happy for them…one day my wish may come true to be able to ride a bike up hill without having my husband help push me up it or even just to walk down the beach and not have people stare at me because of the way I look. I am not looking for a pity party, just want people to understand that some things are just out of some peoples control.

 

 

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One thought on “A little aggrivated to say the least….

  1. I really hope you get the surgery you desire. It’s fairly safe, and as a nursing graduate, I’ve seen a l ot of patients go through it. Body image is important, mostly for self, but we all struggle with body image issues, skinny or not; if you are convinced somethings wrong, no one’s opinions will matter. Still, I’m grateful you were brave enough to comment. Since it will improve not only your self-esteem, but your health, it’s definitely a good idea to consider. Money is an issue for many, but if you want something enough, go for it, believe in it and make it happen (this may mean savings)… wish you all the best. Just caught your blog on my feed. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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